| Ordinarily we think of gossip and rumor-spreading as a | | | | that the compliment is genuine until all avenues have |
| negative network of lies and false assumptions that | | | | been exhausted. Repeated compliments further raise |
| destroys reputations and ruins careers, but did you | | | | the red flag in the person's mind and act against our |
| know that you can use gossip to your advantage | | | | objectives to create rapport because it pushes them |
| when trying to create rapport and build trust with | | | | farther away. Some people are very good actors and |
| someone? Yes, its true. Use that very same negative | | | | can make themselves come off looking completely |
| network to make yourself appear more likable to | | | | genuine when they give compliments and disarm their |
| another person. | | | | counterpart, but this is something that most people do |
| The Underlying Psychological Mechanisms Involved | | | | not possess. |
| The American Psychologist Abraham Maslow came | | | | So What Can I Do? |
| up with a 5-layered system of human needs that | | | | The same network of gossipers that are used to |
| motivates people in life. One of those layers of need is | | | | destroy reputations can also be used to increase your |
| the need for self-esteem and the sense of belonging. | | | | rapport with someone. You see, when someone hears |
| As human beings, we not only need to feel good | | | | a compliment from you, they don't often believe it as |
| about ourselves, but we also require confirmation and | | | | being genuine because they discount it as mere |
| feedback from others on how they perceive us. | | | | politeness, or that you are trying to manipulate them |
| Negative feedback poses a risk to our own | | | | somehow. When they hear from a third party that you |
| self-esteem and therefore it creates conflict because | | | | respect or admire them, they perceive it as being true |
| we strive to protect our self-esteem. Positive | | | | because it is being told by a neutral party and it |
| feedback, in the form of compliments or respect, | | | | creates instant fondness for you because now they |
| boosts our level of self-esteem and we tend to | | | | perceive you as someone who can meet or increase |
| gravitate towards that positive feedback. | | | | their level of self-esteem. I liken this to self-promotion |
| So All I Have To Do Is Start Complimenting People I | | | | versus testimonials. Anyone can go out and bolster |
| Like? | | | | about themselves and a few people might believe it, |
| Well...Only if you want to come off looking fake or like | | | | but most don't. Testimonials from satisfied clients are a |
| the drunk guy at the bar. Understand that while people | | | | powerful marketing tool because people perceive that |
| like to hear good things about themselves, they are | | | | the business or individual is trustworthy and delivers a |
| also highly suspicious about any compliments that you | | | | good service or product. The same holds true with |
| might give them. When we get complimented by | | | | marketing yourself to another person. Tell a third-party |
| someone who has not yet entered our circle of trust, | | | | that you respect or admire the person that you like |
| we perceive it as a polite gesture or a red flag that | | | | and it will create a positive image for yourself. |
| they want something from us. We hold back accepting | | | | |
