| Once upon a time --- | | | | line to gossip central, no good will come of it.) |
| In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was | | | | 6. Stick with the facts, just the facts. (No need to |
| widely lauded for his wisdom. | | | | interpret or put your "story" into the situation. |
| One day the great philosopher came upon an | | | | Interpreting and repeating stories creates drama. Even |
| acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, | | | | if not "officially confidential" it's a sure fire recipe for |
| "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one | | | | gossip.) |
| of your students...?" | | | | 7. Dare to directly engage. Upset about something? |
| "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, | | | | Feel misunderstood, wronged, or even failed? Engage |
| I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of | | | | directly with the source of "conflict." (Instead of going |
| Three. " | | | | through 3rd party conversations and making stuff up. |
| "Test of Three?" | | | | You can't possibly know what's going on for sure until |
| "That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk | | | | you check in with the other person directly - and you'll |
| to me about my student let's take a moment to test | | | | often be surprised at what's really going on "over |
| what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have | | | | there.") |
| you made absolutely sure that what you are about to | | | | 8. Seek to understand and then to be understood. |
| tell me is true? " | | | | Hear their point, make sure you understand it, share |
| "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." | | | | yours and then work through it together. (Instead of |
| "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's | | | | gathering allies to support your point of view in service |
| true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of | | | | of making you right and the other wrong.) |
| Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my | | | | 9. Clarify communication that is unclear or seems |
| student something good? " | | | | "off". (Instead of making stuff up when communication |
| "No, on the contrary..." | | | | is not clear.) |
| "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me | | | | 10. Stop it in its tracks. See "gossip", "hearsay", |
| something bad about him even though you're not | | | | "assumptions", "making stuff up", "collusion", or any of |
| certain it's true?" | | | | the other close cousins convening around you? You |
| The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. | | | | have several options: Walk away. Name it when you |
| Socrates continued, "You may still pass though | | | | see it. Request that it stop. OR take it a productive |
| because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. | | | | step further asking"Is it true? Is it good? Is it useful? Is it |
| Is what you want to tell me about my student going to | | | | any of my business? (Usually not.) And how can I help |
| be useful to me? " | | | | things go right here?" (It's usually as simple as stopping |
| "No, not really..." | | | | it, although depending on the depth, you may have |
| "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell | | | | some "clean up" to do.) BTW, you can do all of this in |
| me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell | | | | a way that is kind and non-intimidating. An even better |
| it to me at all?" | | | | way to set this up is to have a "no gossip" rule that's |
| _______________________________ | | | | co-designed as a group. That way you can help each |
| How can this story support you? | | | | other remember. Because it's so easy to forget. |
| One of the most common goals I see with clients is | | | | 11. BONUS: Remember that we are all human beings |
| that they want to create a more open, productive and | | | | and that you too can be on the other end of gossip at |
| responsive environment, in their lives and organizations. | | | | any time. What's the impact gossip, or unproductive, |
| Guess what? | | | | silly or hurtful chatter, has on you, your productivity, |
| This month's DARE is to eliminate gossip (aka hearsay, | | | | your spirit, your ability to swing out? Consider that and |
| rumors, etc.) in your life and workplace for at least | | | | "be the change you wish to see." |
| ONE WEEK. (Double dare: make it a whole month.) No | | | | Imagine the impact of doing any of these for a whole |
| kidding, any form of gossip, collusion or making | | | | month! Pick even ONE of these to tackle and you |
| assumptions, ditch it! | | | | will experience a shift. At first you'll simply feel better; |
| Sound silly? I know. Gossip is something we'd all like to | | | | cleaner and clearer. And then you'll begin to notice the |
| think has been left in the good ole days of high school. | | | | impact on others. Do it on your own, or even better, |
| Yet, it still happens. It happens all the time. Sometimes | | | | get your whole team or workplace involved, but try it. |
| in obvious active ways, sometimes more passively. | | | | You'll like it (and it'll save you time, money and energy. |
| We may not like to talk about it. But it happens and it | | | | Who wouldn't want that?) |
| has an impact. So in service of creating clean | | | | One last thought: Remember that gossip comes in |
| relationships, open communication and simply happier | | | | many forms (some quite sneaky!) So even if you feel |
| lives. In service of creating the most open, joyful, | | | | you stay away from it, here's another place to look. |
| productive and responsive environments possible, let's | | | | Check in with what assumptions you make about |
| play with this one. Because imagine the energy and | | | | people (what they do, what they think), as well as |
| feeling of a gossip free environment where people | | | | situations and circumstances, and see how that shows |
| engage with people directly and focus on helping things | | | | up for you. I've found that we can all use a bit of an |
| go right. | | | | "assumption reality check" from time to time. And I've |
| You know what gossip and assumptions generally | | | | also found that these "reality checks" can save |
| look like. And, here are 10 things you can start doing | | | | relationships and peace of mind. (BTW, It doesn't have |
| TODAY to support yourself (and your team/friends | | | | to be external gossip to be toxic, internal dialogue can |
| organization/etc.) Pick the one(s) that resonate most | | | | have a negative impact too.) |
| for you: | | | | Simply put: Boycott Gossip. Boycott assumptions. (And |
| 1. Simply stop. Make a pact with yourself to engage | | | | if that feels "hard", just notice what the impact is of |
| in no more gossip. | | | | both, on yourself and others: Does it help? Where |
| 2. Make an agreement. Engage your spouse, | | | | does it hold you back? Where does it serve? Where |
| friends, work team, etc. to not participate in it. (Some | | | | does it hurt?) |
| companies have even created "no gossip" policies to | | | | Try it on for the next month and let me know how it |
| help with this.) Want extra buy in? Make it fun! | | | | goes. In August, I'll be releasing an article with a deeper |
| 3. See a colleague "going down in flames?" Ask | | | | exploration of gossip, assumptions and other common |
| "How can I best support this person right now? How | | | | things that sabotage our ability to create full |
| can I help things go right?" Instead of getting involved in | | | | engagement and happy spirits in our lives and |
| the frenzy (even mentally.) | | | | organizations. We'll look at what they are, what they |
| 4. Clear assumptions directly with the source of | | | | cost and what we can do about them. (Feel free to |
| question. (vs. making assumptions) | | | | send me your thoughts/stories/curiosities and I may |
| 5. Hold and respect confidentiality. (Repeating stories | | | | even include them in the content of the article! |
| or information that should not be repeated is a direct | | | | |
